I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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