i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
