Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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