i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
