I haven't been this sober since birth.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
