Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
