Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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