i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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