she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
