Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
