My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
