I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
