i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need a beard to bite.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
