allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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