Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
