I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
