i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
