um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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