i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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