"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
