Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
