Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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