like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
