that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
