What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
