It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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