There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
