Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
