rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
