Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
