So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
