But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
