I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
