ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
