You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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