I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
