that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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