It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
