I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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