she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Never underestimate the power of titties
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
