it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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