i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We need to get me chipped asap
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