Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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