Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
