hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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