I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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