To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
