there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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