i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sorry my hands just texted you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.