Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
