Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.