this beer tastes like vomit already
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit