I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
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I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
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she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up