I think im going to throw up on grandma
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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