Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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