R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
