I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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