he shaved USA in his pubs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.