You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
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Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk