exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
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I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
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You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet