he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.