and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't want my vagina anymore.