I'm gonna have a badass scar
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
