And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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