guess who came home with a hottie last night
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.