Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.