Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.