your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!