pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?