Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
