That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
