I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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