Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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